Okay, we have all been there. The wonderful DMV.

Take a number, this form, fill it out, and wait. And wait. And then wait some more. You spend at least four hours or more in a huge room with probably 200 other people which are equally as bored and annoyed as you are. We are all agitated and impatient people who are not happy to be forced into squeaky hard plastic chairs.

Admittedly I am a people watcher, so even though nobody looks forward to a visit to the DMV, I have never left without something mildly entertaining to share. Here is my last experience ... feel free to share yours.

Got my number, paperwork, bottle of water, tiny bottle of hand sanitizer, and a book ... so I thought I was ready for anything that could happen at the DMV. Of course as I migrated from one area in the DMV to the next, I took in the scenery and openly gawked at people.

That is the charm of the DMV. As I always do, I have some little private games I play to make the time pass and assist me in the enjoyment of people watching. These games come in handy at an airport, the mall, waiting for the PTA meeting to start and so on.

My first game is “What were they thinking when they left the house this morning?” It is California, so not much surprises me anymore but it is interesting what I see. Since I am in the DMV, the next game was "What do they drive?" and then "What do they do for a living?"

In the midst of my games and being shuffled from one area to the next I noticed a clerk that was going to help the number that was just announced. She asked the gentleman a question and he said very loudly, “No hablo ingles!”

The clerk had this really annoyed look on her face and then walked over to the next line. They closed the next line down and then both clerks came over to help the gentleman.

This nearly caused a panic because everyone in the DMV tensed ... seeing an entire line was closed down instead of exchanging a duty or a customer. So now everyone is on edge and this became the event everyone was now watching. More importantly we were all wondering how long this would keep us from finishing our business here and leaving.

All eyes were on these two clerks and the gentleman being helped. Conversations were being translated back and forth. Soon both clerks as well as the man were gradually getting louder.
Finally it became easy to hear what the issue was.

“You have to tell him that without a pink slip it does not matter who he bought the car from or where, we cannot do anything without at least a bill of sale.” That was translated, then the man became even angrier and words began to pass quickly between the translator and the man ... obvious angry words.

Finally he blew up and loudly yelled, “Dammit, you people are supposed to help me get the damn pink slip! Why do you think I have spent my entire day here!”

Shock. Silence. One clerk said something we were all thinking to ourselves, “What happened to ‘No hablo ingles’?”

At that same time everyone was looking around at each other.
Some of the Hispanics waiting had one of either two very specific reactions on their faces. They were either “Holy crap he has messed up the whole ‘no hablo ingles’ racket for all of us!” or “Good grief ... he makes us all look bad!”

The rest of us sat and wondered if they would beat the crap outta him as the man realized his great blunder. Faces had looks of concern, anger, and dismay written all over them. Tension in the air was thick enough to cause a great discomfort to everyone who had heard the transaction.

The clerks both walked away and security asked him nicely to leave. For awhile everyone had some reflective looks on their faces. It was interesting to watch how people were thinking about what had just happened ... but I am sure many on us were thinking the same thing.

Where is a video camera crew when you need one?

First published March 2009
cheekyredhead