Alright...I admit that at one time I rivaled Emelda when it came to shoes. The big difference between her and I was that I never paid full price for any of my shoes and I actually wear them all.

I have been known to be one of those women that buy a pair of shoes AND THEN create the perfect outfit to go with them. If that meant I had to go shop for that perfect outfit then it was an extra perk. As all women know, no matter how our weight fluctuates, we could always find shoes that fit.

It was a difficult day for me when my daughter realized we had the same shoe size. She was 12 at the time and I spent a lot of time explaining why a 12 year old could not wear 3 inch heels to school.

She did manage to hijack many of my shoes for church and I received some very judgmental stares as a result. My daughter was at the age where she was too old to hang with the little kids but too young to hang with the high school kids.

The biggest problem was that she actually tall and well-endowed for a 12 year old. This was also the time period where all the clothes found in stores for teens all looked like hookers uniforms...wait those are still there...so it was/still is very hard to find her something to wear which was both age appropriate and appropriate for church.

That was when she started raiding my clothes as well. Something which fits all my curves nicely gives her curves more attention than I am prepared for---add to that my shoes which vary from professional to downright kinky...and the mixture of the two can be a bit shocking to see on a KID.

I was raised in a very conservative family and my dad had been a Baptist minister until I was in high school, so I know instinctively what is appropriate and what is not. The fact that suddenly the women in my church were judging my daughter on the basis of high heels and then realizing that they had been giving me the same judgmental stares about my own footwear...I began to develop a little streak of defiance.

Who were they to judge someone on the basis of shoes? I mean...it wasn't like I was wearing fetish wear to church but some of them felt that way. This made me start to wear some of my more "kinky" shoes with a very conservative outfit that had been carefully and skillfully tailored to accent my curves even more.

I suddenly became the "Dolly Parton" of church. ( I don't have HER curves or hair) The men would flirt and the women would elbow their husbands so hard that I am sure that many had permanent bruises.

If I came early nobody would set in the same pew. If I came late they all squirmed if I elected to sit with them. Seeing this, I of course began to come a little tardy--just enough to pick a different group of people uncomfortable each Sunday.

They all began to be so uncomfortable around me that I revelled in their discomfort. Was that bad of me? It was their own "shoe demons" which tortured them anyway. I was just the person which did not allow them to ignore those demons any longer.

Seriously. Shoes are equal-opportunity objects that anyone can purchase and wear. Perhaps they were just as jealous of my ability to pair kinky shoes with just the right outfit? Did I skillfully organize their discomfort on purpose? Maybe a little.

They all gave a big sigh of relief when I remarried and moved to another church. I left my stamp on them though. When I moved I donated 2 pairs of my kinkiest shoes to each of the 30 young women in the church. All but two of them and I shared the same shoe size. Now we all share the ability to make people squirm a little.

My friends say that parents squirm as they see their teenagers parading around in what used to be my kinky shoes. The thought just makes me smile. Maybe I am defiant. They are just shoes anyway.